My beloved boy,
You don’t yet sleep as long at night as we would like. In fact, some nights it feels as though you don’t sleep at all.
The amount of times over the past seven months when I have wakened to the sound of your cross, bewildered little cry- exhausted and frustrated by months of broken sleep-
and held you close to my chest, only to find my irritation vanish at your desperate nuzzling.
Aware once again, of how much you need me, I revel in this privileged season where you look to me and your Dad for everything.
It won’t always be so.
I know that with this privilege of watching you grow, comes the great responsibility of calling you into yourself, allowing you to discover what it means to be a man of God, and letting you test your mettle as you develop into maturity.
This is not something that mothers always find that easy.
With every step forward, comes more of the natural separation as you reach greater confidence and independence.
And I want this for you.
You will have appointments with adventures, a treasured wife to woo and a God to follow, so I pray for your courage and integrity to flourish.
You are a boy with so much fire and spirit, a passionate and determined character, that I know you will be used for big things in the building of God’s kingdom. You have a whole future to discover and I am excited for you.
But in the afternoons, whilst I can still bring you into bed with me to help you complete your nap- I delight in the pleasure of holding you close, enjoying the warmth of your infant form snuggled next to mine.
Your beautiful face and breath-takingly vibrant blue eyes, fill with love and pleading as you roll onto your side, arms outstretched, to pull my face into yours.
Anf as I hold you close, stroking your soft, downy head, and coax you back to sleep each afternoon, I am freshly overwhelmed by the love which bubbles out of my chest, rendering me breathless with joy.
You are my first-born son, and I will not stand in your way of being the man you are born to be.
I promise to encourage you to leave me when the time is right, having taught you to always trust and expect love from God.
But I will keep you held close in my heart.
For now, I shall enjoy these moments of blissful peace with you, as together we gently dream into our afternoons.
All my love, my beautiful little man,